Disclaimer: This letter is a bit different and a lot longer than usual. It’s less about you and more about me. It’s very personal. But that doesn’t mean you won’t find useful insights. Take a read if it looks interesting. Otherwise, we’ll chat another time.

Background

Like many of us in the West, I was raised Catholic but never really understood God. I went through the motions in Sunday school, communion, and other silly rituals I did to not get yelled at.

However, I’ve always been spiritually inclined. I questioned things not many dared to ask in public. My parents had no answers to, “Why do I exist?” and, "I don’t know why but I feel like I can never die.” Weird, I know.

I took an interest in physics and philosophy in high school. Then later in college I went through my first spiritual journey as I explored Christianity, New Age, and meditation for the first time.

It never amounted to anything more than a few weird experiences during meditation and a few Christian retreats where I saw some girl speaking in tongues. I couldn’t explain it but it looked like an exorcism I saw in movies and was too distracted at the time to look into it further.

Around the same time, the Christian girl I was dating left me and I ended up in another rabbit hole, trading a spiritual for a fitness journey in 2013.

Let’s roll back the clock to October 2024. As I read my journal entries then, I see a lot of themes:

• I’m decluttering again

• I’m overstimulated, here‘s my new plan

• What’s my niche again?

• Here’s the order I’m going to take these courses on creating

• I should slow down.

• I should change my newsletter.

• I should do X on YouTube

• Reflection about everything wrong with me

• Reflections on mistakes and what I’ll do next time (but the cycle repeats)

Now that I read them, I’m thinking damn. I’m an ungrateful bastard. There’s a lot more gratitude now but I needed this reflection sooner. I show you this personal side because it’s the entire reason I started this letter, public accountability for building focused habits and teaching you while I learn in real time.

But for some reason, I haven’t been confident enough to execute and stick to my word.

Not until this recent event.

The strange power within — November 3rd 

At the time, I’d been going to virtual Church with my wife every Sunday. If you haven’t read my reentrance to exploring Christianity. It’s a short read here. So I’m still skeptical because things don’t add up in my logical mind but I know something is missing.

But as I read the Bible, refer to my past experiences with spirituality, and allow life to unfold before me,  I start paying close attention to the signs, and I start to connect the dots. The dots that are leading me to a strange place that I’m still trying to understand as I write this.

Now when I say strange, I don’t mean that side look you give to someone who just let a wet fart slip, no. I mean the type of eerie strange that you get when something interesting happens and you don’t know whether to dig deeper or run for the hills. For example, you find that shirt you’ve been looking for but you swore you checked that spot about a thousand times.

What’s even more strange was what happened after my morning meditation session. After a 10-minute sit comes a 10-minute journal. But what came out was nothing less than the strange I’ve been going on about.

I wrote what writers call, a stream of thought, or free-writing, but Christians might call it channeling from the Holy Spirit. Here’s exactly what I typed out:

Then after I wrote a more “grounded snippet” analysis of what the eff just happened:

Bruh. 

The biggest, strangest signal here is the welling of my emotions (and the foreshadowing, other side of the spectrum). Look. I’m not an emotional guy by default. Ask my wife, she called me a robot once upon a time. But here I am, reflecting on something I wrote like if I just asked ChatGPT to give me some answers and make it mystical.

The text poured in just like the UI. Only this time, it was from my own hand.

But wait, there’s more.

Wrath of God, fear ye fear ye — November 4th

The next day there was a random thunderstorm that had my family and I shook. Literally. Our whole property shook. It felt like our last day on Earth. I don’t really know how else to describe how intimidating it was. Lightning was whipping the Earth around us like a horse at the Kentucky Derby what felt like 500 feet outside our window.

Like some real Old Testament shit.

But what the heck could I do? My wife lay with the kids on their bed while I disconnected the outlets. Then we just lay there trembling on the inside as our kids slept soundly. We barely spoke any words to each other. In those few moments, there was only one emotion I could feel: Complete fear. My thoughts were cloudy and all I could do was hold my family. I thought to myself, “If you’re going to take us out, make it painless but if possible please just spare my family. They don’t deserve this.”

After that, my mind went blank and all I could do was continue praying.

Thankfully, the storm calmed down about 10 minutes later. I was grateful, but I shut my mind off and went to bed.

Death just means rebirth — November 5th

The next day was the election. If you’ve been reading my posts, you know I don’t give a damn about politics. So I can honestly say, I didn’t even remember it was happening. The results were an afterthought. But I mention it because the timing is wild coincidence (or so my logical mind would say). Anyway, my wife and I discussed what happened last night. She was grateful and explained how she felt God revealing himself as that storm. I, on the other hand, couldn’t comprehend, but I was curious. 

So that morning I turned to the Bible. I read Matthew. Now let me give you some context to what’s about to happen next.

I don’t know why I read Matthew but I did. My wife and I had spent a lot of time in the Old Testament but I figure I’d peek into the New Testament now. I skipped around looking for headings that looked interesting. And if you know Matthew, you might guess where a lost soul might wander while reading.

The death of Jesus shook me to my core. Remember, I’m not an emotional guy at all. But I wept like a child. “What’s going on with me?” I asked with curious confusion. Was this it? Is this for real? Is this Him?

I started looking to ChatGPT (of all entities) for confirmation,

Okay, I kinda see why she called me a robot.

Still confused, I decided to continue my day. I didn’t tell my wife because I was unsure of what happened and why. A lot of it is kind of a blur now but I remember listening to this track from the response to see that perspective from a right-brained angle if you will: Saint Matthew Passion by Bach.

I wept again.

Eternal life is a MINDSET and it’s only the start — November 6th

The next day wife and I were discussing the Bible in my office. I was a bit hesitant to mention my reading of Matthew but somehow it came out. I described what I read and she seemed to glean at me with a light and open heart. I explained to her a realization I made at that moment.

Many issues of my past, my lack of follow-through, and my lack of true self-understanding were clear now. I had continually shut out my emotional side in the past–the creative right brain that makes us truly human. Then I told her about my reflections of Matthew and how Jesus’s example as a man was nothing other than remarkable.

Our reflections led to my past experiences relating to my dad who I’ve never seen cry or show emotions. My perception of a man was shaped by him. Men shouldn’t cry, right? A macho man or as we’d joke in my family, muy chingon. We’re supposed to be bold and non-emotional. You can read a foreshadowed letter I wrote here about this very event.

As our discussion deepened, my demeanor changed and I couldn’t hold back the waterworks. We both knew in that moment. I accepted Christ, my shadow, and felt the full spectrum of emotions that came from a deep, formerly locked place within my soul.

A new life emerged for me.

The Big Why — point of no return

He’s given me the power to overcome my demons where I fell short. I’ve always tried to do it alone. I was foolishly self-obsessed with my own shortcomings. I asked the other day, why are smart people more miserable than dumb people? The narcissist in me believed I was smart and the fool in me believed I was miserable. But now? I am neither. I serve God because I am powerless without His grace and Spirit.

• You might find your motivation in money, but I find mine in Him.

• You might find your energy in caffeine but I find mine in Him.

• You might find your love in a bar, but I learned to love through Him.

Alright, I got a bit passionate but let me come back down to Earth. I say this not to prosthetise you because trust me, I used to hate getting shoved scripture down my throat as a skeptic and I don’t think He’d want me to force-feed others when it’s not aligned. So I can only speak from my unique perspective.

The biggest problem I had was that I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t listening for his word. Why? Because I was overstimulated with stuff. The stuff of the world. Lust, money, validation, connection, more stuff, you name it. Because none of this stuff will ever fulfill you wholly. None of this stuff will be taken with you when you die (and we all gotta go sometime). I had gravitated toward easier things (lower self, or the flesh) for difficult things that resonated with my soul (higher self, or the spirit) such as:

• Minimalism

• Long-insightful letters

• Well-crafted YouTube videos

• Getting good at developing software

• Being a good man— father, husband, and mentor

F*ck man, I avoided these things for quick hit stimulation like engagement on my posts. But now? I have no excuse to let it drag me down. The devil, or sin, or whatever you want to call it will always be the easy route but it’ll never last.

God’s grace, your best self, you choosing the hard but true route— eternal. This is what He means by granting eternal life. Your ability to deny the world and accept your alignment with Him is the ultimate prize.

Far more fulfilling than any amount of cash a business can provide.

What’s next?

Now let me wrap this up by saying, these 2400 words do not do justice to my experience. There were hundreds of nuances that solidified the experiences told here. But I will reveal a lot of those concepts in upcoming letters. Consider it like the Bible or passages from your favorite books where some you read and reread and gain some new insights that correlate to timeless wisdom when you deconstruct it to its essence.

Also, I’m not saying that by accepting my emotional side, I turned into a softie who sobs over romance movies. I still think they’re cheesy as f*ck. My wife would give me a (playful) death stare at that comment. But I am saying that I’m not afraid to be compassionate like Christ was but still discern with focus like the Father energy.

I wanted to write more about how there are a lot of false or should I say half-truths that I’ve discovered in the Bible since. I’d like to break those apart with grace in the upcoming letters. Of course, I’ll tie it back to focus because that’s the name of the game.

On that note, it feels like my focus has 10x’d. How? Because I’m fully aware of my flaws and I’m actively working on them. I committed to doing a lot less and uninstalled a ton of distracting apps. If I haven’t gotten back to you on Telegram or WhatsApp, this is why. 

I’m taking my own advice and doing the inner work I’ve been neglecting.

So let me ask you now. What deeper, shadow work are you avoiding? And how could facing it with grace unlock a new level of focus toward your mental, physical, or spiritual goals?

That’s what we’ll be exploring in future letters.

But for now, let’s cut it here.

Stay clear, calm, and creative,

Brand Marz.